It’s probably the number one question I’m asked from the couch.
Why did my mother die because of someone else’s stupidity on the road?
Why does my child have cancer?
Why did my wife leave me?
Why is my son a drug addict?
Why did my house burn down?
Why did my sister get murdered?
Why did my baby die?
It’s a legitimate question and human nature to want to have understanding for why “bad things happen to good people.”
When tragedy strikes, there is a desperate hope that if we know “why”, we’ll have something we can accept more easily than the pain and reality of the event.
Then there are the people. The people who love us and care about our well-being. Helplessly watching us tumble around in the tidal wave of pain. They don’t know what to say.
It’s awkward to sit next to pain and have no words.
Without knowing what to say, loved ones drift to the most common of beliefs. “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, “It was their time”, “God has someone better for you”…
“Everything happens for a reason.”
The intention is to comfort, the outcome is a deepened sense of frustration, grief and loneliness.
Truth: Everything happens because it happens.
The emotions rising up in you as you read this are likely the desire to lessen the pain of that statement. I get it. It feels so cold. Yet…
Reality is more kind than a story that feels like it has no clear conclusions. ~ Byron Katie
The cliché “everything happens for a reason” implies there is someone “up there” controlling the happenings on earth. Suggesting we have no control and just have to take what life hands us and deal with it.
You may be asking yourself, “then what’s the purpose of all this pain?” The beautiful and freeing answer is YOU GET TO CHOOSE! In the Bible, the scripture Romans 8:28 states that God “works in all things” indicating if we want to be open to meaning or a reason, it’s there for us.
Robert Brault said, “Sometimes in tragedy, we find our life’s purpose.” Healing from loss can be one of the most painful processes we ever go through, your choice to find purpose in that pain is often the journey of discovering depths and heights to life you never would have had you NOT faced the loss.
Next time you experience tragedy, remember the “reason” is not why it happened. Yet the journey to create meaning is often the path to deeper healing. The key is trusting the relationship between you and the God in you to create meaning together.
From the couch to your soul,
Anna is a soul~therapist whose "no-nonsense" writing captures and expands on the deeper moments of life. Everyone will benefit from posts on parenting to relationships to living your better life. Follow along and you'll gain insights into your own soul, quick-tips (Quips) about every life subject and along the way, you may just find yourself having a few laughs.
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