Art by Norvz Austria
In my first post Reason for the Season, I mention that the most asked question is, "Why did this happen?", often leading people to the cliché everything happens for a reason. I'm sure it's not a big surprise that my second most asked question is, "How long will this take?" which can easily lead us to the cliché time heals all wounds.
I used to think having the answers to the above questions would relieve my clients of their pain. But if 9 years of helping people move through pain has taught me anything, it’s that the not knowing is a cultivator of change and healing.
Pain can be dense and heavy, leaving little confidence that we have control. In search for something that feels sure and definite, we may grab onto the cliché, “time heals all wounds” as time is as faithful to pass by as the sun is to rise.
It's human nature (and exactly what we're supposed to do!) to find the most comfortable space and sit there. So in the midst of the unknown and uncertain, time passing seemingly becomes the most comforting entity because 1) we don't know what else will heal us and 2) pain can be deceptive, convincing us we are helpless and time passing takes absolutely no effort of our own.
But time doesn’t heal wounds. In fact, holding onto the belief “time heals all wounds” is passive hope and idealistic thinking, creating more pain as you lose confidence that healing will ever come your way.
TRUTH: The time that passes while we are in pain is an opportunity, not a healer.
Grieving is the pain you feel from trauma or loss, mourning is the practical and hands-on process of walking through the pain. Time offers space to saturate our souls with healing processes that will go deep into the wound and truly heal us. These processes are deep and wide, and personal to your journey. While I advocate for many practices to heal (that would take a whole other post!) only you know what you need and time isn't it.
“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little.” Tori Amos
Here’s to loving your soul by letting go of the passive hope of time and embracing your courageous, action-filled process of healing.
From the couch to your soul,
Anna is a soul~therapist whose "no-nonsense" writing captures and expands on the deeper moments of life. Everyone will benefit from posts on parenting to relationships to living your better life. Follow along and you'll gain insights into your own soul, quick-tips (Quips) about every life subject and along the way, you may just find yourself having a few laughs.
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